I‘m a fierce swiper on Tinder and Bumble. The more matches I get the more likely I am to find one that sticks, so I’m persistent. At least that’s what I tell myself. I take my time rummaging through weirdos and losers to get to the good stuff. I’m always elated when I come across guys that are just my type—good-looking, creative, confident, clever, stylish, successful. But I get insecure when certain personality traits are listed in their profiles. There’s an overwhelming amount of accounts with descriptions that include things like, “I love life!” or “career-driven” or “positivity trumps all”. I can’t help but think of myself in contrast to their vigor and optimism. I’m depressive and nonchalant. Some days it feels like the only people who can bring out the best in me are the ones who know me thoroughly—my family, and my friends I’ve known since elementary school. I don’t want to miss out on meeting new and interesting people but I feel like I need to match their energy to be equally interesting. Do opposites attract? Can I fake it ‘til I make it? My personal dating profiles are pretty to-the-point. There aren’t any jokes or clever one-liners. I simply state who I am, where I’m from, and what I’m about. I try not to sell anyone a dream. The only thing that may be misleading is how many pictures I’ve posted of me with a big, cheesy grin. I’m not that smiley in person right off the bat. It takes time to crack my shell, unless a person happens to be particularly disarming. In the past it was normal and acceptable for a woman like me to date or marry someone out of her league or tax bracket. Women depended on men to take care of them and were mostly expected to stay home, tending to domestic matters. If a woman linked with a man with more money it was simply dubbed “marrying up”, or climbing the socioeconomic ladder through dating/marriage. Today we throw around the term “gold digging”. In 2019 it feels lame to date a man whose ambition and happiness don’t match my own. Dating happy, emotionally stable, career-driven people is my modern day version of marrying up. (I’m using this term loosely; I’m not even dating to marry, but I hope you get my point.) I’m not particularly choosing these men in hopes of social or financial advancement. They’re just who I’m attracted to. I find them fascinating and their sex is usually better. If it’s true that you’re the company you keep, then I definitely want these dudes’ qualities to rub off on me for the sake of my intellectual and emotional growth. The guys I get with don’t ever seem to mind that I don’t have my shit figured out, but that might be because they just want to lay me down. Would my matches go farther and deeper if I were more successful? It’s impossible to know for sure. I used to chalk it up to lack of chemistry or timing but maybe I’m just not a good catch because I’m prone to depression and lack discipline. Regardless, I’m on a path of self-improvement and I plan to continue swiping “up”.
About The Author
Giving y'all the X-mas gift of holiday music--UPTOWN style! + info on virtual Kwanzaas from @ApolloTheater, @TeamMumuFresh, @CCCADI, @KwanzaaFilmFest, @ImageNationUS, @urbanannamae All happens 10P via @WBAI's https://t.co/2jjTsekAhd Merry Kwanzaa! https://t.co/1GiDnVuLiF.