Why must I fart behind closed doors? I mean it’s gas isn’t it? Besides I ‘ve never seen a gas cylinder emptied in a restroom before.

Come to think of it, the energy expended while trying to get to the rest room, and the brain power put into holding back farts could generate gigawatts of electricity and save us all from the menace of global warming. But no, we decide to follow rules because they are rules. (typical humans)

Who knows, it could even be the cure for cancer or HIV, or even herpes the scourge of them pussy eaters, but we’d never know coz everyone is busy hiding, nursing their farts behind closed doors not willing to share these foul-smelling pleasures.

You’ll need to sit the fuck down and think, you know. Everything man has made has a defect or another, and please don’t try to think it through because they all have defects, we just don’t know it yet.

Think about it. All things were created for a reason, and there was balance. Wipe out a species and there is an imbalance, hide your farts and there is an imbalance.

Did I hear a fucker say etiquette?

Let me tell you something you geeky nincompoop in a Pac man tee shirt, etiquette is relative. While it is ok, to eat with cutlery in the West, eating Garri (Cassava) and Ofe Nsala (White Soup) in Anambra requires you wash em hands and enjoy your meal.

Ease yourself of the stress sister and fart your way to freedom during the first date, take turns to fart if you love ping pong. If many people farted openly, I feel we wouldn’t have as much failed marriages as we do today.

Fart today, and fuck etiquette. I know I do…


The opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect or represent the views of Urban Anna Mae.