Cancer is a sadistic motherfucker, I mean isn’t it bad enough that we have Ebola, Aids and other fuckers we can do nothing about?

One minute you have a clean bill of health next thing you know, your doctor tells you to take a Sit with that “ am sorry you’re gonna die” look  and then proceeds to tell you about the Talliban cells growing with a mind of their own in your body. And as if it’s not bad enough, you have no control whatsoever over these rebel cells.

Your doctor begins to quote statistics about the ones that escaped, but you can see that look in his face, the “am sorry you’re gonna die look” and we all know that when them doctors begin to quote statistics, “ this procedure has a 65% success rate” or he goes “we could try an experimental drug available in Sweden which has been quite effective in a couple of cases, but it hasn’t been approved for clinical use by the FDA” it’s a crappy situation to be in; a gradual degeneration of your health and the stress and strain put on your relationships and family. No offense to the doctors though after all they ‘re just doing their jobs.

Where the heck are those folks mixing chemicals in bottles called drugs, why in fucks name are we yet to get a drug for a terrorist like cancer?

Be not afraid for I am not one to meddle in the insignificant theories of conspiracy pharmaceuticals hoarding effective Cancer treatment because of gains from less effective procedures like Chemotherapy, be not afraid. But the question remains though, WHY THE FUCK AREN’T THERE CANCER TREATMENTS????

If I am diagnosed with Cancer today, I would eat all the chocolate I can find, and watch Netflix till my eyes are sore, random sex should be somewhere in the fray, (haha, fuck you HIV, I have Cancer), and take risks I couldn’t take before. “Enough with the pity and tears!!” I would scream to family and friends round about my dying bed, a shot of whiskey at dawn and at dusk, that we may all smile and enjoy my last days. Screw Cancer, Screw Chemotherapy, a child somewhere probably has better odds with all that cash.

And then I read the Bible lest I suffer another Cancer in Valhalla if the fables be true.


The opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect or represent the views of Urban Anna Mae.